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Blog #77

Today was no special day. The sun rose the exact same way this morning, in the East, shining through her front bedroom window, leaving a silhouette of the blinds on the wall. The alarm went off at the same time and for once, the bed didn’t feel so empty for some reason. It was warm and comfortable. She put her feet on the floor and started her day. Just an ordinary day. Time ticked away the seconds just like it does every minute, every hour, every day. She poured a cup of coffee, added some sugar, and sat on the couch with her laptop to check Twitter. She took a shower and washed her hair the exact same way, conditioner first. She brushed her teeth with that same toothbrush, the one that always sat beside his. As she finished, she picked up his toothbrush, and without thinking twice, she tossed it in the trash. She put on that black top and her favorite pair of jeans. She checked her appearance in the bathroom mirror, the one with all the extra lights, put on that pink lip gloss that she never wears because he prefers chapstick, and walks out the door. She had a meeting at 10 so she left 20 minutes early to get a blueberry muffin, her favorite kind. In the backseat of her car, she noticed that old t-shirt that still smelled like him. Like it was nothing at all, she tossed it in the dumpster that sat in the Starbucks parking lot on the corner of Jefferson and Eighth. She had lunch with some friends from her office and she never mentioned the emotions she had been fighting, didn’t mention them at all. She left work and stopped at the grocery store for some dinner and for once, she didn’t have to spend the extra $10 on frozen pizza, she hates frozen pizza but she ate it anyway so many times just for him. Instead she bought some organic strawberries. She stopped in for a haircut on the way home. She got it cut short, about shoulder length, even though she had been told so many times before not to cut her hair because he prefers it long. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, her favorite show, came on tonight, and for the first time, ESPN was not anywhere to be found.

Today was just like any other day, but today she let go. She let go of him and she let go of the past. She let go of the future and all the intentions. She didn’t read articles on the steps for moving on and she didn’t ask her best friend for advice. She didn’t wonder what she did wrong, or what she could have, or should have, done different. No one honored the success. No one threw her a party, there were no balloons, no rocky road ice cream, and no congratulations from her friends. No one said they were pleased or happy for her. Bells didn’t ring, whistles didn’t blow, and there were no fireworks. She didn’t tell him, she didn’t even think about telling him, she just let go. She didn’t second guess it and she didn’t worry about what he thinks. She didn’t write about it or make a public service announcement. She didn’t tell anyone, not a single person. There was no documentation, no time stamp, or no definite moment.

In all of the normalcy, in all of its entirety, she just let go. She moved on. It didn’t hold her back today, and it sure as hell won’t hold her back tomorrow.

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